


Release

by micehell



Category: Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Drama, Implied or Off-stage Rape/Non-con, M/M, post-ROTS
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-07-08
Updated: 2005-07-08
Packaged: 2017-11-12 21:40:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/495936
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/micehell/pseuds/micehell
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Obi-Wan isn't ready to let it go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Release

Obi-Wan stared off into the distance. The brilliant double sunset was sinking into the horizon, the growing dark welcome. That darkness was broken by a faint blue haze as Qui-Gon appeared beside him.

"You need to go, Obi-Wan. They need your help."

"No, I'm needed here. I need to make sure that Luke is safe."

Qui-Gon huffed a small laugh. "He's down in the valley. You're up here in the hills, miles apart. He could be dead in a heartbeat, and you'd only know it afterward. How is your being here keeping him safe?"

But Obi-Wan wouldn't answer.

"And what if Vader finds you? You know he's still looking. He won't give up."

Obi-Wan shuddered. The day's heat was fast dissipating.

Qui-Gon frowned at him. "That's what this is about, isn't it? Vader. You're afraid he'll find you again, like he did on..." Qui-Gon trailed off, remembering what happened.

Obi-Wan hugged himself against the cold that had settled in his bones. His back was turned, so he didn't see Qui-Gon reaching out a hand to him, didn't see it pass through his hair, without a hint of contact. He didn't see the sadness that was on Qui-Gon's face. "I wish I could hold you, Obi-Wan. I wish I could make it better."

"I wish it, too, Master. Though I don't know if could stand even..." Obi-Wan shuddered again, pulling his robe tighter around him.

"You need to let this go. Release it to the Force."

Obi-Wan turned to him, his face lit with anger. "Release it? Just like that? Release the fact that my student turned to the Dark Side, that he killed younglings, fellow Jedi? Release that my friend turned his back on everything we hold dear? That a man who was like a brother to me turned on his wife and unborn children in a fit of jealousy?" Unable to go on, Obi-Wan turned away from Qui-Gon again, pacing the rocky ground, crossing back and forth in front of him. But the emotions wouldn't be contained, the memories couldn't be, and he turned again, the pain etched on his face. "Release that after I defeated him, that I was too weak, too angry..." He gave a harsh laugh at the irony of that before he continued. "Too angry to finish it? That my feelings of personal betrayal overcame my compassion as a Jedi?"

Qui-Gon gave a small start towards him, but stopped and nodded. "All of that. And the other, too."

"The other." Obi-Wan's face twisted then; anger, pain, and shame marring the features that Qui-Gon had always loved. "The rape, you mean. I should release that I paid for my weakness in pain and blood? That the monster that had been my student beat me, held me down, shoved his cock into my mouth and ass over and over and over..." He broke off, unable to keep the tears from his face, from his voice. "It never ended."

"It did."

But Obi-Wan just shook his head. "No. It's still going on now."

Qui-Gon gazed intently at him, trying to convey all his feelings in that look. "Only if you let it. And there are people relying on you."

"I've already failed them, Qui-Gon. Already failed everyone."

Unable to help himself, Qui-Gon reached out again, stroking through hair that didn't stir at his touch. "You're stronger than this."

Obi-Wan leaned into that non-existent touch, the memory of a thousand others like it warming him. "Not yet. But one day I will be."

/story


End file.
